“Who will even be friends with you? You think people like you ni, we’re just managing you…” That isn’t the most hurtful words I’ve heard but it has to be one of them. Words like these had me cry secretly. To think that at every stage of my life, I had to meet with a different set of people who acted like they had taken a relay race baton from the previous set of people who hated me, was tiring.
As a kid, I felt loved. I wouldn’t know whether people were pretending to like me or they genuinely did, but being the first child, I think I got the love and the attention I deserved from my parents and the people around us😁. Growing up, and meeting new people, I showed the love I had accumulated to everyone and expected everyone to return their accumulated love too, but ‘issa’ lie! The more I tried to show how much I cared about these people, the more they hated me. As the child I was, I didn’t see anything wrong with me, something had to be wrong with them, they must have accumulated hatred over the years. I even prayed for them innocently to have whatever was worrying them taken away, but they didn’t ‘put their heads under prayer’.
I expected a definite change about this tiring situation as I grew up, but it became worse😭 as there were these special set of people created just to hate me🤷🏽♀️. I beat myself up and cried every single time someone publicly showed me they didn’t like me. ‘Kilonshele gan gan’?🤷🏽♀️. At a certain point, I could interprete people’s attitude to know if I was bugging them or not. I almost started hating on people if that was going to be a solution, but you know, someone people didn’t like decided not to like people😂😂…it became worse and EVERYTHING about me was affected, my self-esteem(low but manageably fine😃), my pride (if I had one😂), my academics, my relationship with the few people that cared… The only love I felt those times was that of my parents and siblings. The love was real, but that was almost not enough because I wouldn’t be stuck in the house with them forever. I didn’t mind running after people just so they’d accept me, but it looked like my existence was a mistake to them😢. I accepted being hated by people and lived like no one would actually really like me.
I had to relate with people, but how would I, when these people wouldn’t talk to me🤦🏽♀️. During my undergraduate days, I managed to locate a few of my coursemates on the first day I resumed but you needed to see how everyone ignored me😂😂I was asking questions but I didn’t get a single answer, I told myself that my voice wasn’t loud enough for them to hear me even though that was an obvious lie, I had to console myself😁. I got home and reported to my parents, and I can’t remember all they said but I remembered they prayed for me and with me. The situation got a little better as I got a few people who didn’t really push me away, I was grateful for that but I wasn’t too comfortable because it looked like I was forcing myself on them.
A couple of years later, someone I knew used to have many friends had a fight with some of her friends, and in her words, those friends were only pretending to care about her. Okay, so even people that looked perfect still had people pretending to care about them. So what is my own stress? Why should I injure myself because you don’t like me? Then, I learnt that even people who seemed to be perfect have people secretly plotting against them. I constantly said to myself “If you don’t like me, then it’s your loss🤷🏽♀️ why should I suffer because you don’t like me?” At first that didn’t sound real and it sounded like I was just mocking myself😂😂, but I discovered I had a problem, I didn’t like myself, how then will people like me?🤦🏽♀️ I decided to like and accept myself, it was the first step I took; I then accepted the love shown by a few people and I’ve been living. I still have people who don’t like me, and sincerely, I almost get bothered sometimes, but the love I get from people appears too real to be bothered by people whose care wouldn’t even feed me, what should I do with their hatred then? Jealousy is usually the cause of hatred. If people keep hating you when you’re still human, it must be that they don’t have something you have. If you think they hate you because you are abnormal and they are normal, then it has to be the other way round because normal people do not behave abnormally😁. They can pity abnormal people and look for ways to help them if they want to but never despising them. If I see you giving me attitude, I sincerely pray for you because it must mean you’re going through a lot❤️.
If you’re living the kind of life that won’t attract people to you, you shouldn’t blame them if they are trying to push you away tho’😂. Make a change first, and deal with people’s hatred later.
It doesn’t matter or not if you’re perfect, everyone cannot and will not always like you. Even our perfect God isn’t loved by some of His creations. It’s okay if some people do not like you, it only matters that God loves you, you love yourself and a few genuine people love you. Appreciate the few people who care about you and see how they mean the world to you. You will live✌🏽😁❤️.
To be continued…
The World's Mirror 